dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
