I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
