A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
