i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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