I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
