good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i out mim tonsoeep
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
