If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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