Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
