I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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