I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
