Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
