i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
