Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
