absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
