I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
