dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
