At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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