how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
