Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
