You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
