There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
