He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
