we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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