garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
