On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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