he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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