she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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