My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You made out with two different species that night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
