Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
