I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
