I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
