I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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