Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
