he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
