You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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