Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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