I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
