so that wasnt chicken after all
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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