Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
