i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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