it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
