Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
