Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
