took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
