When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
