the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
