Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nutella sex= disaster
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you inspire me to be a worse person
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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