question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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