he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
