talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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