Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
