We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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