She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
