Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
