Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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