So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
