Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
