Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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