Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
