OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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