Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
