you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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