Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
