Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
