Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
