walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
