come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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