You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
