areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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