He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
