If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
