Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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