I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
